The Night Before Izzy

'Twas the night before Izzy, and all through the house,
not a dust mote was falling, nor fridge-emptying spouse...

I am trying to think of what I still need to do -- put the quilt back over the velvet couch;  prep my husband's coffee for tomorrow to take to the airport at 7am as a surprise;  prep his salad for lunch tomorrow, so I won't have to tear myself away from my new little boy;  comet the bathroom sink.  (I am not a great cleaner, but I have been cleaning in sections all week, so over three days I managed the tub, and then in one day the toilet, and I still haven't done the sink.  So tonight, the sink!)  I'd also like to clean up the dining room table that we use as our schoolroom, but I don't know if that will happen.  If I can't sleep, it will, but I may just go to sleep.  

I have laid out the clothes I will wear to the airport -- forest green linen capri pants with a forest green floral print dress on top.  I can't wear short dresses without pants underneath.  I just feel too naked. 

I will probably make a list of stuff to take with me -- food for the car in case we are stuck forever in traffic, presents for the other new parents (bubble things that you can use with one hand -- you just squeeze and the blow-circle pops up full of bubble juice -- I find these very calming for the parent because of all the deep breathing you get to do, and bubbles are always fascinating for the child).  I also got them alphabet placemats, the wipe-off kind, with Africa as the letter A. 

What else?  Try to remember that I can do this.  I'll be fine.  I am totally terrified.  I can breathe and be okay with my feelings.  My son Eddie is thrilled and excited.  I keep trying not to hyperventilate.  He is sound asleep.  I am going to alphabetize the fridge alphabet letters. 

This is sort of like labor.  I thought he would be here this morning, but he won't be here until tomorrow, and I am once again dreading parenthood.  Lots of blood!  Cramping rather heavily - it's my period, day two.  Sort of just like the second day of labor.  Only easier.  Four years gestation.  No pushing to do at all.  No nerve damage or paralysis.  No emergency c-section. 

I had two hours to myself this afternoon while Eddie went to Hebrew School.  I bought the bubble things I mentioned.  I went to Fairway.  I went to Sephora and bought concealer and lipstick.  The guy at the checkout asked me if I wanted a regular shopper's card, and I said, "no, I know I won't be here for at least another four years."  And I am sure I won't, because it took me until Eddie was seven to go there to buy make-up.  I didn't have time to wear any when he was younger than that.  I was so focused on him, I didn't  even mind.  Hopefully, one look at Israel tomorrow, and it will be years before I mind again.  Because whether or not I mind, I won't have the time or the band-width to deal with make-up, so it's much nicer if I don't mind.  

I think I'm as ready as I'll ever be.