Thankful

Thanksgiving used to be my favorite holiday, back when I took the weekend off from the entire world and used those four days to write a big new project all alone without interruption. I didn't even stop to eat, choosing instead to fast every year. My idea of a fast used to be many pots of herbal tea with lemon and spoonfuls of peanut butter for energy, straight from the jar, as needed. Four days would launch me at least half way into a full length play -- my full length thesis production at Iowa only took three days to write, but that was because I was so afraid of what I was writing, I raced through the whole thing, panting over the keyboard.

This Thanksgiving I am especially thankful because after almost four years of trying to adopt, we have finally (fingers crossed) finished most (if not all, dare I say all? ever?) of the paperwork. We have applied for a visa to allow my husband to get into the country, after three rounds of vaccinations, to pick up our son. Yes, he is our son -- we "passed court" in October, so we are parents times two now.

Soon we will actually have a date for when Scott will travel, and then I will really be excited. Now my heart does little leaps. My stomach lurches in the middle of ordinary events. It is almost like pregnancy. Much more like new love.

I have the urge to nest. I have purchased new linens and towels. It has been painful to resist remodeling my entire home, but I have resisted. I am determined to put in a second towel bar, but that is as far as I will go.

And I will be thankful. I am thankful. I will look round our Thanksgiving table and feel blessed. I already feel blessed, and Thanksgiving is still a few days away. I will be painfully aware of how little my second son has to eat in the Congo. I will not starve myself like Simone Weil. I want to be strong and healthy when our little guy shows up in a few weeks.

The race is on -- will Izzy show up before Eddie turns seven? Stay tuned!